February 22, 2009: Week 4
Big congratulations to Tony Martin for giving us 10 outstanding pages that really set up a fun story and leave us a ton to work with. I am very confident in our screenplay at this point and am eager to see what happens next to these characters.

Tony's pages concluded with a bang (literally), so let's break this down piece by piece to see where all the characters ended up and how the story could proceed:

HARRY AND AVA: I think they're still alive. Tony did a nice job of leaving it ambiguous, but since they're fun characters with an interesting dynamic, I think it's best to keep them alive....though that doesn't mean we necessarily need to see or hear from them in the next ten pages and even if we do, it doesn't mean Jonas has to know their fate. From Harry’s perspective (and perhaps Ava’s too), it might best if he lets people (Cable, the police, Jonas) believe he is dead. If Cable/Raul know Harry is alive surely they'll go after him again. (Remember, Cable/Raul don't necessarily know Ava was in the house). So, perhaps Harry and Ava use their government contacts to create the appearance that one or both of them died in the explosion. Or maybe not, maybe they go the other way and go public with what they know?

Before the explosion, Harry and Ava decided it best to get the obsidian bar/schematics to their trusted friend Julian McMann at the DOD while simultaneously being vigilant about Cable so their goal will probably still be to reach out to Julian. We have a great opportunity here to make Julian McMann a cool character/ally, unless it's more interesting to kill Julian off before Harry or Jonas has a chance to fill him in...if he's the only one that can be trusted and he's gone...it could complicate things for all.

JONAS/FREDDIE/NORA: We left them safe and sound (but rattled) with the schematics in the secret basement of Harry's house. Before tossing him in the basement Harry told Jonas to "only trust McMann." So, how long will the three stay in the basement? And how will they get out? Maybe there's a tunnel connected to the basement that opens up few hundred yards away or on a different street or maybe there's some other cool stuff in Harry's basement? Also, what will they collectively decide to do with the schematics at this point, especially if there's no Walters or Ava to turn to? It's hard enough getting three people to decide on where to eat dinner let alone what to do with plans to a top secret weapon concerning national security. Jonas may hold firm that they need to find McMann but maybe Freddie and/or Nora talk him into just giving it to the police and going back to their normal lives. Maybe whatever they do ends up being a bad decision? Don't forget that Freddie, Jonas and Nora are still in high school and the next day they still have to go class and deal with their high school lives. I think we have an interesting opportunity to explore the dichotomy of high school life and real life espionage, so perhaps creating a high school subplot that will eventually dovetail with the main plot could be fun. Imagine this happening to you while you were in high school. What would you do and how would things start to get more complicated?

THE LOCAL POLICE/JONAS' MOM: Clearly the local police and perhaps other officials will show up at Harry's house to investigate. What will they find or not find and what conclusions will they draw? And how will this open up the story, complicate things or push the story in new directions? How will Jonas' mom react to an explosion at the neighbors? Will she suggest they move to a hotel or that Jonas stays with his dad or at Freddie's house? Or is the explosion just ruled as a fire and she has nothing to worry about? Alternatively, you could extract Jonas’ mom from the story by putting her on a business trip or something, but perhaps that relationship and the whereabouts of Jonas’ dad is worth exploring?

CABLE/RAUL: Presumably Raul took it upon himself to bomb Harry’s house, but maybe not…maybe he’s getting orders from the Chinese contingent interested in the UCAV. Maybe his instructions are now to take Cable out? Or maybe Cable will now take Raul out? I like that Cable and Ava are married because that gives us the opportunity to make him a really interesting, layered villain. Clearly, Cable must have some good qualities or Ava wouldn’t have married him. So, what turned him? Where does he stand now? And what will his actions be when he learns Ava has turned on him (if he doesn’t already know)? Will he go after her? Harry? How much pressure is he under to get the Chinese the schematics? There’s a lot to explore and develop with these antagonists as well as an opportunity to create a new one in the head of the Chinese contingent interested in the UCAV.

We have a lot of story to go so don’t feel the need to cram everything into the next ten pages. The key is to just build from where we left off, complicate things for the characters and leave us wanting to see what happens next. That, and have fun with it!

You can check the Writer's Resources Page for information/research on some topics that have been established thus far in the script, but don't get too bogged down by the details. As long as what you write appears as if its reality and is believable, you're good.

As always feel free to heed these suggestions or ignore them completely. The best submission will win out regardless.

Good luck!

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