March 25, 2009: The Stakes
I've read some posts questioning stakes for Jonas throughout the script so I wanted to offer my read.

If we go back to the end of the first 10 pages, Jonas is making some minor headway with Nora, a girl he desperately wants to date, when he sees a man with a gun head towards his friend Harry's house. So, clearly there are stakes there. If Jonas hesitates or does nothing his friend could be killed in the next minute.

Later, Jonas witnesses Harry in danger again and goes to help. He eventually learns that Harry's ex-wife, Ava, has stolen a device that concerns national security. It was so important to stop this device from getting into the wrong hands that Ava took it upon herself, risking death, to steal it from Cable. She got shot in the process. At that point she did not just go to the hospital or call the police. She brought the device to the one person she could trust, Harry. So, Ava, who knows Cable quite well and is a highly trained and knowledgeable spy herself (Black Ops, etc.), believes Cable's reach extends far enough that she couldn't just inform her superiors or call the police. Jonas now has this information as well, so he knows the device is extremely important. If he didn't, he certainly knows it when Harry's house is bombed as a result of this mess. He is then instructed, "Only trust McMann."

Jonas is now in possession of this device. He's responsible for it. Besides the fact that he desperately wants to be a CIA agent and prove his mettle, given Ava's precautions he can't just take it to the police. If he does and it winds up in the wrong hands and a terrorist attack occurs using the UCAV, it's on Jonas. He can't take that risk. Furthermore, the next day when he notices those strangers in suits following him and his friends, he can't just sit pat, he has to follow Walters' instructions and find McMann. Again, national security could be at stake.

So, Jonas goes to McMann's and he ends up entering this strange house, stepping into a world he didn't expect. Now, Jonas has found McMann and if he can just get the device from Freddie and give it to Helen/Julian, he can walk away from this knowing he did the brave and right thing and helped protect national security. And that's where we stand...so, now it's up to you to throw a huge wrench into that plan for Jonas and create new situations with bigger stakes. I think there's great opportunity in the next 8-12 pages to do so and take the story in really interesting directions.

For a first draft written by 5 (actually 7) people I think this is going extremely well. There are always elements to clean up, restructure and improve but that's what first drafts and rewrites are for.

Looking forward to seeing where you take the story from here!



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