Lorena David (Strangers With Candy)April 15, 2009: Lorena David
Dear Writers:

Having read and listened to the Cowrite script up till page 61, I am very heartened to find that it feels much more single-minded than I would have guessed. There’s no way I could have known that many different writers had put this together had I not already been aware of it. Jonas has a consistent character through the various chapters and the tone also feels at the very least as good as a first draft of a single writer script. Another aspect I like is that each ten pages almost always have a twist since it’s a competition whereas when a single writer creates a script, especially a first draft; there are rarely so many surprises.

In these last ten pages, the realization that McMann is on Cable’s side was fun and it was cool that Jonas’ figured it out. Granted, this is an extremely used device but I so believed that this 60-year-old woman was only going to be helpful, I did not see it coming.

Also, I really liked when the characters comprehend that what Conquest needed to be complete is Julian, or the IA part of Julian. That takes the uniqueness of the Julian character one step further and strongly fuses him into the story. On a side note: having characters names so similar (Jonas and Julian) always bothers me and I would like to see that changed.

Another thing I really think is working is the type of script it is. A PG-13 thriller is a very commercial choice, it has a wide eager audience and it has global appeal. There have been many films that have done superbly in this genre and rating lately and it is a smart bet for a studio or producer to go with this type of film. The movie that it most reminds me of is the highly profitable and award-winning “War Games.”

Based on that comparison I can offer some thoughts on what I would like to see as this script progresses. Jonas needs to really start getting proactive. In War Games, Broderick’s character actually starts a lot of the plot action whereas Jonas seems to kind of follow along, although very willingly. It would be nice to see Jonas as the only person who has the skill set to save the country, as did Broderick’s character.

As a female producer who loves all types of films, I keep a sharp eye out for well-conceived, useful and specific female characters and Nora has quite a ways to go. Her character needs to have a reason to be. If done properly Nora would be as perfectly fit into the plot as Julian. Right now she seems to only whine and to ask questions: “what does that mean? What are you doing? Yeah, so?” She needs to be useful both to Jonas and our storyline and that way she will be useful to bringing in the female audience as well. As a producer I see this as a four-quadrant film.

Plot-wise, Harry needs to be dispatched. Not killed but possibly thought dead or taken out of the picture somehow so that our main hero Jonas can be proactive and take the reins of the story and the action. Harry keeps coming back to save the day, this needs to be Jonas’ job. Harry and Ava need to be rendered useless so our kids can make a real difference. That’s what will bring in the audience. Kids love to see themselves as useful and often they also love to see adults as useless.

Finally I would like to see what War Games did so well: hide a message in the story. When the computer in War Games realizes that war is futile, it drives this concept home to the audience in a profound way. This is what creates an amazing movie and that is what I hope the Cowrite script will do as well.

VIEW ALL BLOGS